I've been thinking, nobody in their right mind would be trying to achieve the pinnacle of google (uk) for pond pumps on christmas day ...... I mean, you wouldn't would you? ...... you'd have a life or summat ...... anyway, with this in mind I decided that today is the perfect day for me to launch my next assult for the peak (which currently stands at 3.1 million!!!! jeez, I'm gonna stop looking)

I would imagine that all round the world there's thousands of faces breaking into a huge illuminating smile as they unwrap their perfect gift this christmas ..... a pond ..... and of course the pump to go with it. I mean, what else would anybody really want for christmas? Forget all the socks and the aftershaves and the chocolates, give them what they really want ..... and then buy them a pond pump as well.

Now, normally, around this point in one of my pointless pond pump posts, I'd give you a link to my mates online aquatics business, but for some strange reason they don't work on Christmas day .... personally I think it's because he's to much of a bloody miser to pay them double time ..... but maybe he just has festive spirit or something.

I was going to send someone a pond for christmas one year, I managed to wrap the pump, filter and liner with no difficulties at all ...... but I was buggered if I could work out how to wrap the hole, so I just sent them a box of smarties.

Anyway, once again I think my psychosis has had long enough in the open air so I'm gonna put it back into the dark corner that it lovingly calls home

Merry Christmas everybody

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ps. Remember a pond pump is for life, not just for christmas.

Why do people buy ponds pumps? ..... before "all y'all" (thanks [stk] for that Redneck term ;)) start sending me a million emails saying "for PONDS you tit, what else is a POND PUMP for" and its multitude of variations, what I mean is, why do people who don't have a pond buy a bloody POND PUMP?

If you're one of those people who has bought a pond pump who doesn't a) own a pond, b) isn't giving it as a present to somebody who does own a pond, and c) never intends to have a pond, then I wanna hear from you ..... no, really, I do :|

Of course, my curiosity about pond pump owning pondless people has absolutley nothing to do with anything, it's just ...... well, there's only so many interesting ways you can blog about ponds pumps, and I'm still not number one in google (uk) ...... so I just have to make shit up.

At least it beats all your normal spam for viagra , and cheap rolxes and nokia phones ( if ever any of you wants one, I know a spammer that sells them? :|), and it almost has a purpose ...... almost.

Anway, have fun,
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Well, I've let my quest for top place in google for the term pond pumps fall by the wayside a tad. This is mainly due to the fact that I've been a smidge busy doing other things during which time the number of google results (uk) for pond pumps has soared to 2,800,000!!!!! Bloody hell, the hill just gets steeper and steeper!!!

It's times like this that I wish my mate sold something really obscure so I'd only have a few hundred thousand results to climb, but no, he sells bloody POND PUMPS and I have a taller mountain to climb than mohammed!!

So, pond pumps ........urm yeah, well, errrrr they're pumps for ....... well for a bloody pond, the name's kind of a giveaway!!! ( just in case your a slightly befudled visitor who is actually looking for a site that sells pond pumps go visit Aquatics Warehouse and make my mate a tad richer :P).

Anyway, back to my post ...... pond pumps .... there's not really a lot you can say about them, I mean it's a plastic box with a spinning bit inside that sucks water in one end and spits it out the other ..... and ...... urm ......well, that's about it. It's not like they get dressed up as beano characters and go for a night on the tiles. I mean, that'd give me something to write about, but they just kinda sit there, gurgling to themselves (I wonder if babies can understand what they're saying?).

I tried telling one a joke the other day, it just sat and stared at me blankly. So I tried talking about the weather, asked how the fish were doing, you know, just trying to be polite. BLANKED totaly BLANKED ! Hell, it's no wonder they don't go out much, they musn't have many friends :|

Anyway, I think it's time I took my psychosis elsewhere,
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Cheryl insisted that I sex up pond pumps .... yeah right .... how the hell do you sex up a lump of plastic with a few spinning things in it ...... hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't continue that line huh Cheryl?;)

Well my quest to dominate google continues, today there were 822,000 results for Pond Pumps in google(uk), and funnily enough, I don't yet come in the top 1,000 results (which is the most that google will show you for any search term) but, undaunted, I struggle onwards and upwards towards the pinnicle which is my goal.

Now, my mate (the one with the online aquatics business that currently tops google(uk) ), plays about with the keyword density on his pages, he rearanges whole blocks of text, and sometimes he even spends hours moving one word around ....... why? To stay number one in google .... how anal is that?

Ok, ok, so being number one makes a financial difference to him, but hell, he's rich enough already (he owns an Aston Martin DB7 for gods sake), and I'm just a poor little blogger, I need the number one spot to get rich......... of course, it would help if I actually [i]sold[/i] pond pumps!!!!

So, back to sex, how can I make the subject pond pumps sexy?? I mean, that's a bigger bloody challenge than trying to get to the top of google!!!! Sheeesh, ah well, I'll give it a shot ..... Pond pumps have a wonderfully sleek exterior that you just can't help but trail your fingers over lingeringly ....... urm ....... they have these cool little impellers that spin round at a dizzying rate ........ urm ....... they have pipes sticking out of them at an erotic angle ....... urm ........ ohhh yeah, they're built to suck :|

I think I stick to trying to get to the top of google, it's far easier.
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First the good news, the google results for [i]pond pumps[/i] have now dropped to 780,000 (which makes my task a tad easier), and my blog is already somewhere in the results!!! Google : pond pumps +yabba, of course that could mean I'm 780,000^th but at least I'm in there already.

The reason behind pond pumps

Ok, maybe I should explain a tad more about what this is all about.

As I mentioned in my first post on this subject, my friend (who runs an online aquatics business) is anal about his position in google for the search term "pond pumps", he spends hours making minescule adjustments to his page just so that he stays the top of the google rankings for pond pumps. As I (obviously) have a tad of interest in computers, programming and the web, we often end up in discussions about what he does and why.

Now, don't misunderstand me, my friend has an extensive knowledge about how google works and what it likes/dislikes about websites (or at least, he has extensive knowledge what it likes/dislikes about aquatics websites), and he spends days on end making sure that his page is as perfect as he can make it........and he must be doing something right because he is number one for pond pumps and has been for quite a while.

So, where do I come into it? During one of our many discussions regarding search engines and google in particular, I happened to bring up the subject of blogs, and how search engines love them because they have ever changing content, using my own blog which went to a page rank four within weeks of being launched, and now comes top of google for several search terms (lol, not all of them desired), [i]purely because it is a blog[/i], as an example of what I meant.

A tad further into the discussion this led to "I honestly wouldn't be suprised if a blog came top of google for pond pumps, purely because it is a blog".......the response was "bollocks". Which I took as "proove it" (well, I'm blonde and we have difficulty with understanding complicated words :p)....and so this is my endeavour to do so.

Now, in all fairness I do have to admit that I have several advantages over my mate, which are :-
1/ I can code, therefore I can make my blog do things that he can't make his website do, like putting my content at the top of the code so that search engines rate it as more important.

2/ To a degree, I don't have to worry about my blog posts looking professional, so I can do things like putting

Pond Pumps

in huge text, and get away with it.

3/ I get trawled far more often than he does by googlebots.

4/ My blog is linked to on all the forums I'm a member of, and on every blog on Waffles On, and on every website that I've coded........ ohh yeah, and on every page of another friends search engine.

5/ My blog. As I said, search engines like blogs because they have ever changing content.

Now, it sounds like I should wipe the floor with my friend huh? Life's never that easy, he also has several advantages :-
1/ He's knowledgable about his own website and how google reacts to any changes that he makes.

2/ He also has several domains on the web that he uses to his advantage.

3/ He's been number one in google for quite a few years

4/ He hasn't got 780,000 positions to climb!!

So, how do I rate my chances? Fair to middling, I'd be happy to get within the top 10 results, but I'm really aiming at the top spot. It could of course take me a tad, but there again SEO on any site would take a tad to show any result as well, and I'm not really trying to get there by any normal SEO methods, I'm just going to blog about pond pumps on a regular basis.

So, onwards and upwards, see you at the top,
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So, there's this mate of mine who's a tad anal about being the top of google for various things such as aquarium supplies, ponds, filters and the rest of the crap that's associated with his online aquatics business, and I happened to mention that a blog could probably get to the top of google for his chosen search term which, as you may have guessed was

pond pumps

The outcome of this is that I was informed that I hadn't a sniff in hell of achieving top spot for a search that returns 879,000 results..........challenge on!

Now, as you can imagine, I currently don't appear within the search results for pond pumps at all, so I stand at position 879,001 and have a tad of an uphill battle, but I'm sure I can improve on that position ;)

When I get a chance, I'll write a page that will find out my current position in google for this post.

If you want to help me in my little old endeavour then just link to this catagory with the following link :-
<a href="http://www.innervisions.org.uk/babbles/?cat=228">pond pumps</a>

Laters
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